every letter i sent you

‘I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’ 

This line REEKS of nahyuck. Or renhyuck. Or noren but in my opinion they are not as sexy or tense as the first two… should I start suggesting atla ships, too? Tbh i really can’t see myself actively shipping atla characters because they just seem so… young?? The characters are around my age. Young! Then again there’s the whole ‘qy they are literally 2d drawings what the hell are you even shipping’ feeling that washes over me even though i KNOW they’re characters just like any other… character. Okay okay back to the main idea. 

I just really really love this feeling. The tension! The desperation! It is just such a delicious dynamic to explore. Characters who don’t really know how to express their feelings? Or maybe there’s a difference in timing due to circumstance or readiness or heartbreakingly there? Perhaps our dear characters here have different ways of expressing their emotions and even though they do care about each other they are unable to see it. I am so sadistic but Chenle come here ah-boy it’s your turn to yearn. (Side note. That seems to be the theme for all my writing brain worms lately: Chenyearning. Chenleyearning. Chenlearning?)

In my initial nahyuck idea the two of them are in their final year of highschool. They’re Asian Australian and somewhat rivals because of the competitive environment they’ve been raised in… and for other reasons that even they’ve forgotten. Knowing people since primary school is like that, isn’t it? You grow up together and you see them change and they see you change and one petty fight in year three might mean distancing yourself from them until they become the Other person. And now you don’t even remember what they did in the first place. This is so projective of me. Is that even how you use the word projective. I don’t know. But yeah! Apart from them both being under heaps of final-year stress from themselves and from their families there is also the prospect of Future looming ahead of them. Jaemin, who plans to study at a school away from home and Donghyuck, who has familial responsibilities, not really knowing if it’s the right thing to do-- dreaming big. So one settles for small-scale ambition and the other chases a career outside of their small town. 

However, this is summer, after all. While their Thing with each other is largely something they both use as relief from the imminent doom and pressure-cooker school life, it is rather dangerous for them to be both so invested in this thing of theirs. The nights grow colder and day by day summer will have to come to an end. There is no room for love. Circumstances do not allow for it. 

‘He looks up, grinning like a devil’ / ‘He looks so pretty like a devil’

LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT JAEMIN DOES NOT GRIN LIKE (to quote our dear friend ash) A ‘LEO BASTARD’. A DEVIL. Until today i thought the line actually sings ‘he looks so pretty like a devil’ and i feel kind of betrayed about that ngl but that’s okay i will talk about my lyric headcanon regardless. Oh but before we do… hyuck has a devil grin too. Mf gemini. 

TW FOR HOMOPHOBIA IN THIS PARAGRAPH / Perhaps there is some internalised (and Not internalised) homophobia going on? Immigrant Asian families and their general intolerance for lgbt relationships? Maybe they were or are family friends and this Thing would make things messy? Homophobia in small towns? I don’t know. /

I have a really vivid picture of Donghyuck really Seeing Jaemin for the first time and realising he’s not a child anymore. Not the boy he grew up with and sat playing mobile games with at family friend gatherings. Realises he has a lot of teeth or something lol idk what i do know though is that if i ever do write this i WILL call him a bastard at some point. Out of love <3. 

‘Shiny toy with a price’

The symbol or motif of little nintendo DSes. i am a 2000s kid and so are they. This fic is very much reminiscent of my own childhood and experiences and i remember playing games with my family friends when I was younger. I’d love to be able to incorporate a little red or blue one into this story. Just for flavour. 

Just like the family-friend-circles and asian groceries and academic pressure that i know a lot of fellow asian diaspora kids would have also experienced, i think it’s details like these that really paint the picture of what it’s like to be… like us, you know?

Donghyuck works at an asian grocery to earn a little extra money for his family and the theme of financial instability is partly inspired by the ‘with a price’ part of this line. Jaemin’s family is a little more well-to-do and this becomes something of an issue for the two of them. 

‘Killing me slow, out the window

I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below’

Oh, I adore this imagery, I really do. Quiet suburbia at night being disturbed by the thud of pebbles against your window frame. He aims perfectly, of course he does. He’s the one who could always throw so well. Pitcher on the baseball team or something like that. 

There’s the added layer of: maybe their parents don’t want them dating and that’s why they have to sneak out to see each other? Can these rendezvous even be considered ‘dating’? Do they, themselves, even know? 

‘So cut the headlights

Summer's a knife’

They get their licenses for the first time and are allowed to drive to wherever the hell they want. It feels so scary getting old. 

‘And if I bleed

You'll be the last to know’

This is your cue to ask me if I’m sure I don’t need therapy and mine to tell you that no I am not and yes I will get round to it eventually. And this is where characters Zuko or Donghyuck or Azula or Jaemin come in. If you see me projecting no I’m not. 

Their parent is going through something! It is unmentioned because they do not know what it is. They are left in the dark about this something and it’s not the first time this has happened. Hence! It bleeds into their other social relationships and they struggle to express themselves properly. Or maybe it’s the opposite. Person A is the former and person B is the latter. Boy am I fucking sadistic. I am so sorry, characters. 

‘I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar’

TW FOR ALCOHOL USE IN THIS SECTION / Another bildungsroman embellishment. I just realised how much I tend to mention alcohol as a general plot device and as a minor I find it very weird that I’ve been doing that but I digress! No wait I don’t digress I’m pretty sure I do this because I grew up watching Mediacorp dramas as my main source of romance content and that shit happens so much in those shows… They’re also not very good shows maybe I can use that as an excuse for my ba-

I well and truly digress this time. 

Maybe Hyuck isn’t a party kind of person? Maybe Jaemin isn’t either? I think I’ve kind of established this as a nahyuck fic already sorry qy you tried with the atla reaches. Maybe another time. But underage drinking and general party fuckery is another thing that i think i might include, just for that extra layer of irresponsibility.